The Princess Diaries

Harro! So the Gayly Plan is still going on. The othergay we realised we weren’t really trying and will be stricter from now on. Somehow a picture of Zelo from the group B.A.P appeared in our chat this morning, but North said her phone was hacked.

Looking at North’s post about all these cartoon character-like people we have encountered, I was reminded of another character we have in our respective parts of Japan. No, it’s not another poor guy. It’s the Princess.

Caution: Bitchfest ahead. Shield your eeyyeess!!!

North and I both have one. In North’s words: She’s the kind of person that you’re friends with because there are only a few people around”. And we bitch and complain about them because they’re the most annoying people on the planet at times, probably here to test our patience.

So, what exactly is the Princess stereotype?

Firstly, the Princess has needs, and while everyone has needs (see previous posts), these needs are constantly expressed, sort of like a four-year-old would. Such as “I need a rice ball” “I need to sleep” “I need more clothes” “I need makeup” “I need to lose weight” and so on.

She looks at herself in the mirror, ALL THE TIME.
Fun fact: In South Korea, there is a culture of checking your reflection in any reflective surface whenever the opportunity arises. In windows, doors, lifts, the backs of spoons, cell phone screens and subway cars. For non-Koreans, this is hilarious to see. People whip out their compacts/smart phones on public transport or in waiting lines to touch up their faces. Even guys stare shamelessly at their reflections in subway doors and fix their hair. Somehow, this trend has caught onto our Princesses and they feel the need to gaze upon their visages numerous times a day. Once we nearly missed a train because Princess was adjusting someshit on her face, serious.

Princess acts cutesy to attract guys.
We live the capital of cute. The word “kawaii” is engrained in you from day one of being here, and it’s a huge part of Japanese popular culture. Everything is kawaii…someone’s hair, someone’s purse, a dog, a duck, Hello Kitty toilet paper. This morning a coworker was looking at the blank notice board saying “kawaii!” I thought it was just sleep deprivation on his part, but turned out someone stuck a creepy looking bear-shaped pin on it.

Anyway, I tend to veer off-course. Being called kawaii is pretty much the best thing a Japanese person can say to you. Princess knows this and plays up this cutesy girl image, much to the delight of fans everywhere. This includes high-pitched giggling, looking dumbfounded and acting like a child at times.
Kawaii

She also uses LOL a lot. I was going to make my hatred of LOL a whole new post, but who wants to read that. I’ll complain here and kill two birds with one stone. I think LOL is the most ridiculous acronym ever invented. I hate overuse of it, especially as a punctuation mark. My Princess uses it in place of full stops, question marks, exclamation marks, spaces, and emoticons. As an old-fashioned haha person, something about lol seems so stoic and expressionless, you know? Every time an “lol” pops up on my screen, I get nauseous. Once I actually counted the number of lolz used in a conversation and was amazed to find she used it in every single sentence!
Examples of overlol usage:
– What are you doing lol
– I’m cleaning my house lolz
– Omg lol some guy just called me
– Lolll (seemingly to emphasise the “loud” part)
And a new one:
– Have you made any plans lol??

It would be different if someone was actually laughing when typing the lol. Which, let’s be honest, is kind of spastic and weird. Replace all those with actual laughter, and see how that comes across. Right?

The princess needs things to be explained slowly. She is also genuinely confused when, on the rare occasion, she’s rejected or her flirtatious advances are not returned. This would mean the male in question is either gay or has a severe mental problem.

Lastly, the Princess must be complimented at least every day. Compliments are the compost that enables our little Princess flower to flourish and grow! North told me the other day that her princess pretends to mishear and asks for the compliment to be repeated. I had to laugh at that. Out loud.

The word Princess has also become a verb to us.

“Princessing” (v.) 1. Talking continuously about oneself in a conversation and probably forgetting the other person exists. There is no pause for input, or asking about the other at all. It’s just the act of kakking on someone (figuratively), offloading, until they’re satisfied. Any comments made by the other person are regarded as sarcastic, bitchy, or confusing (sometimes they are sarcastic…we are guilty of that).

Or, more simply, North’s definition is:

“Princessing” (v.) 2. To prattle on and on about how awesome your love life is ensuring that the person on the other side feels like shit.

These conversations are so boring and tedious and are basically about how many guys she’s shagged or how some guy dropped his groceries when they saw her, or how she bought fake eyelashes (accompanied by a self-taken photo) which doesn’t interest us in the slightest.

Yes, it sounds like we have an inferiority complex. And maybe we do. Dumbledore, what to do? Or maybe we should ask Dumbledore’s brother, whatshisname. He might have had the same problem.

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