S & N: Tipi pitching worthy Asian guys ft Ryan Gosling


It’s safe to assume that South and I are deprived women. There are no available men around us. I recently was introduced to a marginally good looking guy that was funny and charming. Girl, I pitched a tipi so hard. In that moment all I could think about were all the things I’d like to do to him. That was until I was introduced to his gf— the Japanese version of Barbie. And so I kept walking like Johnny Walker. Na mean.

It really sucks that there aren’t any guys worth perving on in our offices. Alas, we have to settle for pitching tipis on


i recently discovered this hottie in 2am… who knew?

i recently discovered this hottie in 2am… who knew?

and this…

there is always time for bang to feed you chocolate… always

i’m hungry


Who are we to complain? There are people out there that are equally as deprived as we are that do not have access to the internet. First world problems. eish

Have you seen Rolling stone’s hottest sex symbols list yet?

guess who made the list!!!!

guess who made the list!!!!

How does Rolling Stone even know about T.O.P.? Is it April fool’s day already? In my opinion, he’s the hottest man alive. But whenever they’ve compiled these hottest men alive lists, all the men tend to be American and very much Caucasian. I’m not trying to be controversial by insinuating that there is a certain degree of racial bias when compiling these lists. I’m just stating the facts. They rarely have Asian or black men on these lists.

not cool…not cool at all!!!

not cool…not cool at all!!!

So we’ve decided to compile our own list.

be warned: panties could possibly drop on their own accord, or uncontrollable tipi pitching may occur.

be warned: panties could possibly drop on their own accord, or uncontrollable tipi pitching may occur.

Ryan Gosling(actor/ a man that every woman alive would die to marry)



Why hasn’t he been announced as the hottest man alive? Have you not seen crazy stupid love? I’m so confused!!! And so is South? The world may not know the guys on our list but bloody hell!!!! Ryan is the hottest guy in North America. Come now, you need to get on it this year. There can only be two reasons that Ryan isn’t number one on your list. First, you’re jealous. Second, you have no interested in men. Both of these reasons would lead anyone to the conclusion that you are not qualified to make any hottest men alive list… ever!!!!

Ukwon(Block B dancer/ eye candy)

nom nom nom

…  …   ….nom nom nom

I don’t know… I don’t know… but I’m hot. You know what… you know what… you know what I mean. oh yes we do. Fffffaaaaaq!! He’s hot. I’m not sure how many times I’ve watched the nalina video. I’m sure I’m responsible for at least a million views of that vid on youtube. I love him. When Block B went through all that shit with their former management and there were rumours of their break up. I was heartbroken. I thought I would never see his face ever again. That’s sad. That was until a few months ago when they made an ACTUAL comeback with “very good”. Okaeri. I literally died when he took off his clown mask in the very good MV. Thank you for coming back Block B. We missed you.

Osamu Mukai(Japanese actor: Hungry!!!, Paradise Kiss and Beck)

ek is nou honger

ek is nou honger

The first Japanese man to make my vajayjay go BOOOM. I remember when I first arrived in Japan. The ladies in my office could not shut up about this guy. I was like who is he? What does he do? Can I see a picture? They showed me a picture and I was like. I’ve seen hotter. I’m not sure if there was something in the water or if he brain washed me while I was watching atashinichi no danshi, but I am hooked. He has the nicest lips, and his smile… A girl could lose all sense of control if she ever saw that in person. Please don’t start a music career. That would instantly kill my tipi. My only negative is that I want to call him oppa. Oniisan sounds too creepy. Oppa, saranghe!!!

2PM(strippers/idols/fallen angels)

                            they shouldn't wear anything            ever

they shouldn’t wear anything ever

So far I’ve only mentioned individuals but there is no way I can have a sexy list and not include 2PM. It’s like some people not making Ryan number one. You just don’t do that. Can you believe that South just discovered how hot these guys were like two weeks ago. While hunting for kpop goods in koreatown she was like… is it just me or is 2PM hot?” I was like. Are you serious? I pitch tipis for these guys all the time. Every single member in this group has a hot body. I loved south’s reaction after she saw the A.D.T.O.Y music video. She was like: they should stop singing and just be strippers. I’m sorry but we need to raise the roof and give JYP a pat on the back. That was the best decision anyone had ever made in the kpop industry. Singing strippers. Genius.

CNU(B1A4’s rapper/ bespectacled hot man)

and i die...

and i die…

Add some spectacles to a face of an angel and you have a Molotov cocktail. This guy is dynamite. So hot! Did you see the teaser clip for baby goodnight? Don’t! my eyes rolled back, and when I came too, I was on the floor with a huge knob on the back of my head. I wish that this face to wish me goodnight. every night!! I’ll just need to purchase a padded apartment.

(sorry i couldn’t find the eng sub)

Lee Joon(MBLAQ’s dancer/leg raiser)

can i lick the rain off your face?

“Oh Joon”. I feel like Oprah after she watched Australia. When she was totally crushing on Hugh Jackman, “oh Hugh”. We all knew that Oprah was pitching a major tipi for Hugh Jackman. I have to admit that I was pretty late to the Lee Joon party. I thought he had a nice face but that was it. Until I watched an MBLAQ interview on youtube. A fan wrote in to the show and asked him to do a dance move or something. And the next thing I know he’s lifting his leg in the air, with his hand holding his foot in the air.

(skip the interview… go to 03:15)

He was as flexible as a cat. I hate cats but that foot in the air did something to me. I started having feelings down south. Na mean. Talk about tipi-ing so hard that your nose bleeds.

Ki Kwang(B2ST’s visual/sex god)

and that's how i fell in lust

and that’s how i fell in lust

I have to be honest. I’m not a big fan of B2st. i don’t even get what their name means or why they’re having trouble spelling beast. who knows or cares. I only know like one song. who cares about the music when there is a someone as hot as Ki Kwang in the group. damn. Ki Kwang be fine. How can anyone be this hot? when I stalk him on tumblr all I want to do is hump his face. no his arm. no his leg. maybe I just want to hump every part of his body. Ki Kwang you lift up your shirt and I …

clean up on aisle three

clean up on aisle three



Zico(Block B Leader/ gangsta rapper)

ok ok ok

ok ok ok

the only English words you know might be ok ok ok but that’s fine with me. his rapping makes my panties drop. He’s like the bad boy in the Kpop universe. The blonde hair, the devil may care attitude, and those long… long legs. There was a moment when he…let’s talk about the dreadlocks phase. And instead we should focus on his panty dropping points. 1. he’s a dope rapper. And would wipe the floor with any rapper. 2. he’s got swag. 3. he majored in art at uni. And probably paints naked in his free time. That’s hot!

Bang(B.A.P’s leader/ rapper/ do gooder)

as the great bruno mars once said: bang, will you marry me?

as the great bruno mars once said: bang, will you marry me?

That deep voice. Those eyes. That smile. He is so manly, this is the kinda guy that I’ve been waiting for. If only I could call him oppa, but I’m older. Please call me noona, and I promise I’ll like it. not only is he hot but he’s an all round good guy. Nothing is more sexy than a guy that gets that there are people less fortunate than him, and he gets the awesomeness that was Nelson Mandela. I was watching a clip on youtube where the guys of B.A.P had to draw a pic of their ideal woman and he drew a pic of a chick with bigass wavy hair. Someone off screen told him to call out to her. He looked at the camera with his arms wide open and said, “come here”. I died. Ha-penis overload!!!!

Lee Minho(Korean actor: boys over flowers, the heirs and Faith)

lee min ho can i be your leading lady?

Someone needs to dub him the gentleman of the kdrama universe. You know you’re going to enjoy any kdrama with Minho in it. He’s got the charm and wit to pull off any character (except heirs…I don’t want to talk about it…). I’m not sure if he should be on this tipi pitching list. I think he’s hot but in a respectful way. when I look at his face I wouldn’t say that I’m like a dog in heat. He’s just the kind of guy that makes you feel sexy. You know he’ll treat you just right. And that’s hot! Say yes to pitching a tipi for a guy that treats you with respect.

Rain(actor/singer/dancer/shirt ripper)

can you just imagine all the things he'd do to you???

can you just imagine all the things he’d do to you???

I think that he’s the only Asian that most people know. Yes! Yes! Ninja assassin. That movie is like porn to me. I still don’t get why he wasn’t just shirtless from the beginning to the end. *shakes head* I wanted to exclude him from the list. Just to spite him. He’s was released from military duty just a few months ago and has yet to show us his bod. That’s rude! He had an amazing body before he did his service. So he must have jonged up. South is incessantly talking about how Koreans magically fill out after serving in the military. Let’s celebrate the fruits of your hard labour togezza, Rain.

T.O.P(Rapper/ actor/hottest man alive::: literally.)

I never thought i'd ever say this. but i'm super jealous of a wine glass

I never thought i’d ever say this. but i’m super jealous of a wine glass

I still dream of carrying his blue haired babies minus the babies. This man looks good in anything. Blue hair, striking red suit, as a villain, wait… he looks terrible dressed up as a girl. Please delete those videos from youtube. Sankyu! I remember when I first caught sight of him, at the bob concert. I was so overwhelmed (with hormones) that I just stood there stunned. He’s actually hotter in real life. How that is even possible… I don’t know. I was so sad that I was too broke to purchase tickets to a BigBang concert. he just released Doom Dada, and that is a sick track. and he looks so good in the video. Sjoe, he blows how to make himself look good. He is the manliest man in the Kpop universe. But I think that Bang might give him a run for his money, someday. Let’s wait and see.

you’re welcome

you’re welcome

What Would Dumbledore Do?

My chingu and I constantly talk about our love lives, or lack thereof, in Japan. As two single girls, there’s only so long we can go without some “rabu rabu”, especially in a country that’s so culturally defined.

To put you in the loop: in general, foreigners in Japan are usually given a certain amount of attention. No matter how your physical appearance is regarded in the western world, (I’m not sure what South Africa is considered – Western or Southern?) here you will get stared at and/or complimented on your looks frequently. We’re unique and “sugoi” and exotic here. And while it feeds the ego nicely, making you feel like a special little rose full of hope, it rarely goes beyond that for some sad few of us. Compliments in Japan are something I have never taken too personally anyway, because we’re a novelty. And while some of my fellow foreigners are constantly like “OMG you guys my students keep saying how beautiful I am teehee!” I just think dude…get over it.

As mentioned before, we live in the Japanese countryside, and very different parts at that. I’m on an island, which is pretty far from mainland Japan. Because of this, there aren’t usually many young (and by young, I mean people in their twenties) people around. My island is pretty much where people retire, farm, and fish. Their kids school here and leave for a life on the mainland, returning only for vacation time. The ones who remain here get married straight after school and have kids and then take over the family fishing business.

Anyway, for a twenty-something year old foreigner with minimal Japanese language ability in the inaka, dating prospects are pretty bleak. Every foreigner has been asked the question “do you have a girlfriend/boyfriend?” numerous times. This is the timeline of my “do you have a boyfriend?” conversations.

1. When I first got here

Japanese person: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No, haha.

JP: Oh really? Why?

Me: I don’t really want one…

JP: Waa- sugee!

Me: haha hoohoo! [Feels like an empowered female!]

2. Middle of the year

JP: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No

JP: Why?

Me: I donno

3. Now, Scenario #1

JP: Is [gay guy I hang out with] your boyfriend?

Me: NO!!

JP: [hehe, they’re so cute, pretending they aren’t in wuv]

4. Now, Scenario #2

JP: Do you have a boyfriend?

Me: No.

JP: Why?

Me: Cos no one likes me, okay?? GOSH [Resumes putting beer cans in shopping trolley].

I’m not going to make this a blog post about how unfair it is that foreign males have an easier time dating here than girls, blah blah. I’ve Googled this topic until my computer overheated, and there are loads of articles on this subject. It’s hard to talk about without sounding bitter, and it’s pretty controversial, so I’m skipping ahead to Conversations with my Chingu (soon to be a paperback – check the Spiritual section of your local bookstore. Haha, jk).

So, we’re constantly talking about how lonely we are and how we’d like someone to have a decent relationship with (or whatever) and not just drunkenly saying “you are so beautiful!” and passing out. After realizing that this is extremely frustrating, and looking to the wise Dumbledore for guidance, we’ve come up with our Gayly Plan.

photo 2

Dumbledore knows.

My chingu’s patience was cracking and she admitted that she was pissed off with guys in general. “I’m giving up!” she said. “Over it!” So we agreed to support each other. Sisterhood and all FTW.

You know how some closeted gay people are forced to pretend they’re straight to fit into society in order to survive? Our plan is pretty much the opposite. We wanted to be gay. Although our version of “gay” might be a little warped, and I’m sincerely sorry if I do offend gay people in this post.

*(Side note: I’m pretty much a supporter of gay rights; I actually have more gay friends than straight friends and I know this doesn’t really justify anything… but they’re pretty much amused by this whole thing).

The Gayly Plan is basically an acceptance of our current situation by exploring other options. So far the plan consists of changing the little things that we are in a habit of doing which reinforces how deprived we are. Things like not looking at pictures of handsome k-pop stars (this is HARD, yo!). Refraining from staring at a cute guy as if he were a chocolate cake and we’ve been starving for a week. This is all very creepy.

However, we seem to be lacking the actual dating other girls part. It’s day two of our Gayly Plan and things aren’t looking very good. If getting a boyfriend in Japan is so difficult, what makes us think we’re going to get girlfriends in our towns? What the hell, man! We’ve already relapsed by “accidentally” finding pictures of our favourite Korean rappers.

photo 1

This just popped up on our Google image search. Really…

On a serious note, we’ve realized how bloody awful it must be for some gay people to constantly have to pretend they’re straight, or feign interest in the opposite sex. Living a lie is ridiculous and goes against the natural order of things. Respect.